Offbeat News - From Offbeat Chronicles

Knickers Fiend Changes His Tune [Offbeat News] [Offbeat Humour]

Offbeat Chronicles can reveal that the man at the centre of the news last week for making requests for women’s knickers is back in trouble again, as a restraining order has been set against him by Judge G. Miles Overblaster.

The man, Wilbur J. Smallsworthy from Bethany, Oklahoma has recently been stalking the world champion knicker wearer Sonia Panz-Doun. Unrepentant Smallsworthy told a shocked court – all those frigging knickers, surely she could spare just one pair. People don’t understand my needs.

With rumours that Smallsworthy might decide to become a sex tourist, panic has set in and the Indonesia Government is urging women to wear padlocks on their knickers. A government official said we have the honour of our women at stake, and besides you just can’t stroll down to Wal-Mart and pick a pair up for a couple of bucks here you know.

And in a not completely unexpected reaction from the men, some have advised the women not to wear any knickers at all.

But Smallsworthy in a statement read out by his solicitor has trashed the idea. “Knickers have caused me nothing but trouble. I’m a reformed man and don’t want to see any again”.

But there was concern as it was leaked that Smallsworthy was heading to Australia where volunteers are planning to gather 200,000 bras so that they can create the world's longest underwear chain. One determined supporter said ‘It’s Sydney or bust’.

Offbeat Chronicles tracked down the pervert at Heathrow Airport over the weekend.

“Just one”, Smallsworthy was seen to mouth from the other side of the glass in the departures lounge.

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Source: Alt News    Steven Humour    ABC News   

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Tags: Offbeat, Offbeat+News, Offbeat+Chronicles, Humour, Humor, Knickers, Bras, Spoof, Indonesia, Sex+tourist

Playing The Goat [Offbeat News]

Alternative Title: Men Behaving Beastly Really Gets My Goat

Almost a year ago Offbeat Chronicles reported the strange and rather sad story of Mr. Tombe who had married a goat. Some time later the goat died, which was probably a happy release for both of them.

We thought that was the end of the story, but recently a new comedy mobile messaging service called Buzz My Goat pulled a publicity stunt – which appears to have worked – by trying to track down Mr. Tombe and offering him a replacement goat. This sacrificial offering intended as Mr. Tombe’s future bride goes by the name of Daisy. Read more.

It is not yet known whether Mr. Tombe will be taking up the offer, as unconfirmed reports indicate that “he’s put all that sort of thing behind him”. But just why the walls of his home are now covered with pictures of sheep in provocative poses has not been explained.

Well, if Mr. Tombe is on the horns of a dilemma, there are certainly others willing to take his place. Recently in the news it was reported that A 68-year-old New Zealand man tried to have sex with a goat, although he didn’t quite make it. The judge hearing the case ruled that the man’s identity should not be revealed because of the effect it might have on his state of mind.

Offbeat Chronicles, however, can reveal the identity of the slut who no doubt lead him on. She is one-time model Samantha, seen here in one of her photo shoots.

And last year a 63-year-old man from Tacoma, USA, who was charged with having sex with a goat explained that he was merely trying to milk it. In the report by AHN it is also revealed that in a separate incident another man had been accused of having sex with the family pit bull. Speaking from his hospital bed, the unnamed man said it had all been a terrible misunderstanding.

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Tags: Offbeat, Offbeat+News, Offbeat+Chronicles, Humour, Humor, Goat, Sex