Offbeat News - From Offbeat Chronicles

Monkeys In The News [Offbeat News] [Offbeat Humour]

Alternative Title: Don’t You Eyeball Me Boy

The news of a diaper-wearing monkey running amok on the streets of Orlando led me to do a bit of digging on the subject of monkeys. Of course that inevitably threw up a few YouTube clips, but back to the story.

The poor little critter seems to have escaped from the home of its owner while they were away on a work-related trip. I reckon the monkey was more frightened than deliberately aggressive.

After growling at passers-by and jumping on the back of Sharon Beverly, it was finally contained by animal control. Read more

So on to the selected clip. I can’t embed at the moment, because I changed the layout style of the blog a couple of weeks ago and the left-hand column is no longer wide enough for that. In fact, some of the older posts don’t display properly now. I’ll try to fix that later.

The cowboy monkey

Back to the news. A January article from Environmental Graffiti about a monkey in North Carolina that had used its mind to control a robot in Japan. The little darling’s name is Idoya, and you may find this ridiculous but I think I can feel her reaching out to me over the ether trying to control my arm. Yes, definitely I can feel it start to happen as my arm and hand move inexplicably towards my can of extra-strong lager. Read story

And last but not least, I thought that this was worth another airing.

My spoof last year on a Sheryl Crow story.

Tags: Offbeat, Offbeat+News, Offbeat+Chronicles, Humour, Humor, Monkeys, Sheryl+Crow, Robot

It's My Toilet, Don't Spoil It II [Offbeat News]

Flushed with success, or going down the pan

Alternative Title: From The Sublime To The Ridiculous

There have recently been another couple of news items on toilets making a bit of a splash.

If gold prices hit 1,000 dollars an ounce Hong Kong's famed solid golden toilet suite will be dismantled. The toilet at Hang Fung jewellers’ Hall of Gold will stay, but some of the ornaments currently around it will be melted down to finance expansion of outlets on the mainland.

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Ever thought what you’d do without the telly, Internet or radio for that matter? In the eighteenth century one family decided to make taking number two’s a real family event by commissioning a three-seater toilet. The ‘oak bolthole’, as it is called was built in 1775 and is situated beside a farmhouse in Benenden, United Kingdom. Such historical value is being attached to the toilet that it is now a Grade II-listed building.

Owner, Mrs Kellett said "It's nice and warm, the door's open...the setting sun, a glass of wine, a book...it's bliss just to sit there and be nice and peaceful." Hmm, not to mention the flies.

      

If you think that’s crap, read my original post of last year It’s My Toilet, Don’t Spoil It Pt I

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See also: Alexander Cummings

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Brought to you by Offbeat Chronicles – your source of Offbeat News from an offbeat angle

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offbeat, offbeat news, humour, humor, satire, funny, mad, strange, odd, odd news, comical, spoof, spoof news, comment, life, wacky, whacky, weird, crazy, alternative, life, British, ridiculous, glamour, celebrities

Tags: Offbeat, Offbeat+News, Offbeat+Chronicles, Humour, Humor

Playing The Goat [Offbeat News]

Alternative Title: Men Behaving Beastly Really Gets My Goat

Almost a year ago Offbeat Chronicles reported the strange and rather sad story of Mr. Tombe who had married a goat. Some time later the goat died, which was probably a happy release for both of them.

We thought that was the end of the story, but recently a new comedy mobile messaging service called Buzz My Goat pulled a publicity stunt – which appears to have worked – by trying to track down Mr. Tombe and offering him a replacement goat. This sacrificial offering intended as Mr. Tombe’s future bride goes by the name of Daisy. Read more.

It is not yet known whether Mr. Tombe will be taking up the offer, as unconfirmed reports indicate that “he’s put all that sort of thing behind him”. But just why the walls of his home are now covered with pictures of sheep in provocative poses has not been explained.

Well, if Mr. Tombe is on the horns of a dilemma, there are certainly others willing to take his place. Recently in the news it was reported that A 68-year-old New Zealand man tried to have sex with a goat, although he didn’t quite make it. The judge hearing the case ruled that the man’s identity should not be revealed because of the effect it might have on his state of mind.

Offbeat Chronicles, however, can reveal the identity of the slut who no doubt lead him on. She is one-time model Samantha, seen here in one of her photo shoots.

And last year a 63-year-old man from Tacoma, USA, who was charged with having sex with a goat explained that he was merely trying to milk it. In the report by AHN it is also revealed that in a separate incident another man had been accused of having sex with the family pit bull. Speaking from his hospital bed, the unnamed man said it had all been a terrible misunderstanding.

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Brought to you by Offbeat Chronicles – your source of Offbeat News from an offbeat angle

Tags: Offbeat, Offbeat+News, Offbeat+Chronicles, Humour, Humor, Goat, Sex