Offbeat News - From Offbeat Chronicles

Constables Raid Old Curiosity Shop [Offbeat News] [Offbeat Humour]

Alternative Title: A Tale of Two Titties

The Times Newspaper 11th April 1857

In a dawn operation, Her Majesty’s police constables entered a house of ill-repute in the Whitechapel district of London after interrogating a Mr. Charles Dickkens, who had been arrested earlier on suspicion of treason, following an anonymous tip-off.

The police have released a likeness of a Miss Amelia (Cissie) Blanford (a dolly-mop who was known to frequent the premises) taken as she made good her escape.

The police wish to interview Miss Blanford, who was known to associate with an aristocratic gentleman, and a person of unknown gender.

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Tags: Offbeat, Offbeat+News, Offbeat+Chronicles, Humour, Humor, Victorian, Charles+Dickkens, Old+Curiosity+Shop, Dolly+mop, Victorian+Chronicles

Broadband In The News [Offbeat News]

In the news: Porn on demand; English, Irish, Scottish survey

Alternative Title: Not So Much A Blogsite, More A Kind Of Therapy

Porn on demand? You want it, you’ve got it. Well you have if you buy a set-top box from FyreTV. The dude from Tech-Ex reported on that story in a posting on his blogsite yesterday.

Of course you’re also going to need a suitable broadband connection. Psst … don’t tell the granny with the 40Gbps connection that I reported on yesterday.

And in other news after a joint English, Irish and Scottish venture to map communications development the following report has been released.

After having dug to a depth of 10 meters last year, Scottish scientists found traces of copper wire dating back 100 years and came to the conclusion that their ancestors already had a telephone/Broadband network more than 100 years ago.

Not to be outdone by the Scots, in the weeks that followed, English scientists dug to a depth of 20 meters, and shortly after, headlines in the UK newspapers read: "English archaeologists have found traces of 200 year old copper wire and have concluded that their ancestors already had an advanced high-tech communications network a hundred years earlier than the Scots."

One week later, "The Kerryman," a southwest Irish newsletter, reported the following: "After digging as deep as 30 meters in peat bog near Tralee, Paddy O'Droll, a self taught archaeologist, reported that he found absolutely nothing. Paddy has therefore concluded that 300 years ago Ireland had already gone wireless."

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Tags: Offbeat, Offbeat+News, Offbeat+Chronicles, Humour, Humor, Broadband, Joke

Montecassino [Offbeat News]

Montecassino

Picture source L'Abbazia di Montecanssino

Monte Cassino is a rocky hill about 130 km (80 miles) south of Rome, Italy, c. 2 km to the west of the town of Cassino (the Roman Casinum having been on the hill) and 520 m altitude. It is noted as the site where Benedict of Nursia established his first monastery, the source of the Benedictine Order, around 529, and of major battles towards the end of World War II.

Source Wikipedia

The Battle of Monte Cassino (also known as the Battle for Rome and the Battle for Cassino) was a costly series of four battles during World War II, fought by the Allies with the intention of breaking through the Winter Line and seizing Rome.

Source Wikipedia

But more recently, disturbing news has surfaced after a local priest broke the rule of confessional confidentiality and leaked this story.

The priest told our reporter that an elderly Italian man who lived on the outskirts of Montecassino went to the local church for confession.

When the priest slid open the panel in the confessional, the man said, "Father ... during World War II, a beautiful Jewish woman from our neighbourhood knocked urgently on my door and asked me to hide her from the Nazis. So I hid her in my attic."

The priest replied, "That was a wonderful thing you did, my son! And you have no need to confess that."

"There is more to tell, Father. She started to repay me with sexual favours. This happened several times a week, and sometimes twice on Sundays."

The priest said, "By doing that, you placed yourselves in great danger. However, two people under those circumstances can easily succumb to the weakness of the flesh. However, if you are truly sorry for your actions, you are indeed forgiven."

"Thank you, Father. That's a great load off my mind. But I do have one more question."

"And what is that, my son?" asked the priest.

"Should I tell her the war is over?"

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Tags: Offbeat, Offbeat+News, Offbeat+Chronicles, Montecassino