Firstly, let me wish you a Happy New Year. I haven’t posted for an exceptionally long time. So rather than give a reason, I thought I'd give a number of reasons, and let you select one yourself.
So here we go.
Excuses for not posting:
1. I was captured by white slave traders at a Belgian ferry terminal and sold into slavery as a sex toy for a tribe of Amazonian female warriors - I wish.
2. I was abducted by aliens and subjected to experiments by their women. See a theme developing here?
3. I hit my head and lost my memory. After checking my email and finding my name to be Nitehawk, I climbed onto the roof at midnight and attempted to fly into my neighbour's garden.
4. I spent five months in hospital (see excuses 3, 5, 6 and 7).
5. After a particularly festive night, I decided to heed the 'Don't drink and drive' rule and cycled ten miles home, not realising that someone had stolen my saddle.
6. I bought a whole bunch of helium-filled balloons to take to the local children's hospital, and ended up in Buenos Aires.
7. Having read about the hottest chili in the world, I went down to my local Indian restaurant and ordered a dish.
8. I got accidentally locked in the changing rooms of the local women's lingerie shop.
9. I ran away to the circus.
10. I got a job at a strip club helping the girls into their costumes. It was ten euros an hour. Not a lot I know - but it was all I could afford.
11. After reading Eric Clapton's biography, locked myself away in my room to become a guitar hero. Unfortunately, I didn't get to the bit where it explained that you had to have a guitar.
12. I've been clearing out my spam email box.
13. I've spent five months building my own "See through clothes camera" using a home-made X-ray generator - details to be published soon.
So there you are. Please make your choice from any or all of the above. As I say, why start the year with a resolution when you can start it with an excuse?
Hopefully, now I’ve begun again, I'll be posting regularly this year, and replying to all those nice people at BlogCatalog.
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Source: A rather twisted mind.
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Offbeat Chronicles
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