Alternative Title: What Goes In Has Gotta Come Out
I started off earlier today in search of an idea for a post and eventually decided on a theme based on snakes. As I scratched around I came across a story about a snake that ate some golf balls. That reminded me of a joke I’d once heard about a monkey that would eat anything it could find, and then my train of thought was completely broken.
The Snake
An Australian couple from Nobbys Creek, New South Wales, who wanted to encourage their hen to nest, placed four golf balls in the chicken coop.
Well, all was fine and dandy until a carpet python snake slithered its way into the coop. This non-venomous and rather stupid snake mistook the golf balls for eggs and swallowed them. You’d have thought after the first one it might have realised its mistake, but it didn’t. The couple subsequently found the rather lumpy looking 80cm (32 inch) snake in a rather sad condition, and took it to the nearby Currumbin Wildlife Sanctuary.
The story has a happy ending though. Senior veterinarian Michael Pyne performed an operation on the snake and safely removed the golf balls from the its intestine. The snake is now convalescing and working on its handicap.
I never did find out what happened to the hen.
Well, not much of a story I know, but that’s all I can manage today………………….
…………………. Of course that’s unless you want to hear about the monkey.
The Monkey
A guy walks into a bar with his pet monkey. He orders a drink and while he's drinking, the monkey jumps all around the place. He scampers along the bar counter, picks up some peanuts from a bowl then jumps onto a lamp hanging from the ceiling. Swinging from the fitting he proceeds to eat half of the peanuts and throw the rest at the customers.
Jumping back down he lands on a stool situated directly behind a guy bending over the pool table to take his shot. The monkey bares his teeth in a manic smile and looks as if he’s about to bite the guy in the butt. Just then the guy pulls the pool cue back and hits the monkey in the eye.
The little fella lets out a scream and runs round the bar again chattering.
Eventually the monkey settles down and clambers up onto a barstool next to his owner. He spots some olives on the bar and grabs a handful and eats them. Then he grabs some sliced limes and eats them.
Meanwhile, the guy playing pool is on the eight ball and getting down for the shot.
The monkey suddenly leaps across from the stool, lands on the pool table and chatters at the guy. For a moment there is a stand-off, then the monkey grabs the eight ball and sticks it in his mouth. His eyes bulge, but to everyone's amazement, somehow he manages to swallow it whole.
The bartender screams at the monkey’s owner "Did you see what your monkey just did?"
The guy stops sipping his beer and says "No, what?"
The bartender screams "He just ate the cue ball off my pool table - whole!"
"Yeah, that doesn't surprise me," replied the guy. "He eats everything in sight, the little bastard. Sorry about that. I'll pay for the cue ball and stuff."
The guy finishes his drink, pays his bill, pays for the stuff the monkey ate, buys the pool player a drink, and then leaves.
A week later he's in the bar again, and has his monkey with him. He orders a drink and the monkey starts running around the bar again.
While the man is finishing his drink, the monkey finds a maraschino cherry on the bar. He grabs it, sticks it up his butt, pulls it out, and eats it.
The bartender is disgusted. "Did you see what your monkey did now?" he asks.
"No, what?" replies the guy.
"Well, he stuck a maraschino cherry up his butt, pulled it out, and ate it!" said the bartender.
"Yeah, that doesn't surprise me," replied the guy. "He still eats everything in sight, but since he swallowed that eight ball last week, he measures everything first..."
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Stolen (and modified somewhat) from Half The Deck
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Offbeat Chronicles
Boy, do I know how that snake felt... that's the last time I ever ingest half a dozen bowling balls.
Posted by: Static | June 01, 2008 at 05:52 AM
That does it... I am going on a golf ball free diet!!!!
As for the monkey, no comment :?
Posted by: pamela baker | June 02, 2008 at 07:01 AM
Hi Static, Pamela. Nice to see you guys dropping by. I'm so pleased I'm going to offer you a helping of my home-made dumplings - old family recipe. :)
Posted by: Nitehawk | June 02, 2008 at 10:07 AM
lmao, that is some funny stuff there!
Posted by: GetSmartGal | June 11, 2008 at 06:17 AM
Glad to hear that snake is okay... whoa.
Best wishes.
Sincerely,
-Liane Schmidt.
Posted by: Liane Schmidt | June 16, 2008 at 02:59 AM