Offbeat News - From Offbeat Chronicles

Sweeney van Todd

I’m not quite sure why, but about six weeks ago I decided to let my hair grow. I’d kept it fairly short for the last few years. Easy to maintain and all that. But I thought I’d have a change. And then – why not – let the beard grow too.

So here I am looking a bit of a mess. The hair grew thicker on the sides, and after a couple of weeks I took thinning shears to it. Not a wonderful idea, and not a wonderful result.

I then began to slick the hair down with gel, which made me look like Steven Seagal after a month in the jungle. It was shortly after that that I began to wonder whether I’d better visit the hairdresser after all.

As you may or may not know, I live in Holland – towards the south, which is just as well, because I read the other day about an Amsterdam barber who had been arrested for stabbing a client with scissors. OK – once, an accident, maybe self-defence. Twice? I don’t want this guy standing behind me even with curling tongs.

I don’t live in Amsterdam, but I am aware of the old saying ‘Hell hath no fury like a hairdresser scorned’.

The establishment I frequent mainly has female hairdressers. A couple of years ago the girl who had been cutting my hair for the previous six months, or so was on holiday. I urgently needed a haircut, so I switched to another girl, and just sort of stayed with her after that.

The next time I went for a haircut the first girl was there. She looked straight through me, as she coolly sashayed towards her appointment. Disdain, anger and contempt were all summoned up in that one look.

Nope. I ain’t underestimating hairdressers.

I wonder whether dreadlocks would suit me?

Computer Bash

I mentioned the other day about the recent problems with my notebook computer.

These contraptions are a wonder when they're working - that goes for desktops as well - but once the gremlins get inside they can drive you to distraction.

I found an old article about some Ukrainians who organised an event to get back at their computers, and as you can see they had a smashing time.

Computer Bash

Excuses

Hi guys.

So just why haven’t I been posting lately?

Well, I think it’s best if you choose an excuse from the following yourselves.

a) I suffered a nasty case of ‘Blogger’s Block’

b) My notebook computer slowed to a snail’s pace

c) A group of Polish workers held me hostage and force-fed me vodka

d) All my time was taken up looking for a matching pair of socks

Well, any and all of them are correct.

I spent days trying to sort out the notebook. It’s better than it was, but the hard disk is chuntering a lot of the time. I have a feeling that it’s Norton antivirus having a panic attack and checking every keystroke.

In the end I bought a new notebook. The old one wasn’t really up to the task anyway. I’ll strip off all the unnecessary files and then re-install Norton.

By chance I also stumbled across a Polish birthday party and decided to invite myself in. I mean when they’d had enough they could have just asked me leave. Was that restraining order really necessary?

I’m just an amateur when it comes to excuses, but there are some sites out there that specialise in them.

Take a look.

http://www.rodge.force9.co.uk/faq/excuses.html

http://www.bbc.co.uk/dna/h2g2/A300989

http://www.bbc.co.uk/stoke/fun/excuses/

http://www.bbc.co.uk/lancashire/sport/cue_sports/excuses.shtml

Elderly Women Pose Nude

Well, dudes it’s good to be back.

The trip to Blighty presented some unexpected challenges, but enough about all that.

So jumping back into the driving seat I wondered what I could kick off with. I spotted yesterday that the Hungarians had regained the world record for simultaneous kissing, and thought that that would be a good starter. However there wasn’t much detail, just a video on the Beeb website. But today I found something that follows on nicely from my last post about Seniors in the News - elderly women posing nude.

My first thoughts were - well good luck to them. My second thought was I’d reserve judgement. Unfortunately there aren’t any pictures, so you’re probably better off with the kissing video.