Captain Codpiece or how Quillers saved my bacon (I mean fish fingers).
Dear readers - I mean reader (thanks, mum). You may know that the kitchen isn't my favourite place, and I seldom venture near the 'hot thing'. My theory is if God had intended you to cook he wouldn't have created take-away outlets.
But sometimes I do get cravings for vittles (oh, that's such a more interesting sounding word than food, don't you think) you can't get in your local pizza palace.
So I've got several reecipes that I might share with you if you're lucky. And the first one is inspired by a recent post on fish fingers by Quillers. That reminds me. Did you hear the one about an (insert here as appropriate - Irishman, Belgium, Polak, etc.) who bought land in Alaska so that he could start a farm growing frozen vegetables?
But back to the reecipe:
Take out a packet of frozen cream spinach from the cold thing and empty the contents into a pan.
Shove that on the hot thing and put the dial down low.
Now the tricky bit - get an onion and remove the skin - and while you're doing that don't cut your finger and don't forget about the spinach, give it a stir now and again. Cut the onion in half and then each half into eight segments.
Shove the onion bits in with the spinach and give it all a good stir round, put the lid on the pot and leave on a low heat.
Go back to the cold thing and take out a packet of fish fingers, and put them under the grill. I've got a thing called an air grill, which makes a lovely whirring noise and lets you see the little critters cooking.
Next take a can of extra strong lager, yank on the ring-pull making sure you don't rip your fingernail off. Now slowly empty the contents into your gob over a twenty minute period while the fish fingers are cooking.
Take a crusty roll, slice it open and put loads of butter on it. And don't cut your finger.
Go back to the spinach and onion and taking the sweet chilli sauce you keep next to the extra strong lager, shove in a good splodge.
Now the extra strong lager should have kicked in and you're likely to spill most of your creation on the floor while serving up, so it's a good idea to double the quantity of the basic ingredients.
Get the biggest plate you can find (a pizza plate's ideal), scoop everything onto it, head for the couch, switch on the TV and enjoy.
Coming soon - cheesy peas and garlic bread.
Disclaimer: Don't try this sort of thing at home unless you've had plenty of extra strong lager. The fish fingers will be burnt on one side and raw on the other because you've been daydreaming about the new girl that's moved in up the road and forgotten to turn them.
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